Diary 8 – How does it feel to be witnessing this from the diaspora

By Tamtam

“I feel shit scared, and niko na wasi wasi 24/7.

I started a blog today, as my phone has been ringing off the hook with friends, colleagues, and relatives elsewhere checking on what is happening. It just felt easier to put things in one place.

I feel so powerless knowing that things could escalate, and I am not there with my loved ones.

The prospect of being a Kenyan Refugee is real, which is something that I had never contemplated.

I cannot even begin to think of losing my family at home, and have gone from ringing Nairobi once a week, to five times a day since this whole thing started.

My anxiety levels are high. I sob when I see photo coverage, and watch the news. I spend anytime that I have online, and have to watch the news every day now.

I have become obsessed with what is going on. It is important to me, and I am praying so hard that the violence stops.

The one thing that I am very aware of now, is what tribe I am.The ethnic violence is chilling.

What I can’t get over is the way in which the elections were rigged. It was so shameless and blatant, and the people had to respond in one way or another.

I feel very drained, and I am not at home, so how the hell are people at home feeling.

It is scary knowing that communication could be cut, when they stopped the live media broadcast, I wondered what I would do if we were cut off. Honestly, I don’t think I would cope.”